Because it turns out I have more to say, anyway sequel to https://eyeballtank.newgrounds.com/news/post/1528392

On the subject of a 4chan exodus never happening, it's because too many people use the same few websites and COVID did play a rule into these websites haxing the same mixed web culture.

So in a way, we already witnessed overlaps between 4chan, Tumblr, Reddit etc on Twitter.

Though there's also how the screenshot posting accounts like ShitpostRock, Wakka Ork guy, Pirat Nation etc sound so generic, they sound like feds or when Elon did the "Kek you later frens" thing.

Another thing to consider is that some guys on 4chan technically have alternatives instead of having to use mainstream websites.

Specially when you think of the "normies get out" thing and how some guys are tech nerdy enough to make their own imageboards.

Meanwhile, Tumblr people are more likely to be less nerdy in the tech side of things and there were Tumblr replacements that didn't last long.

Probably because the 4chan alternatives existed for longer but also because said 4chan alternatives are expected to be niche, so they have less trouble hosting their expected amount of people.

So Tumblr users moved to popular sites because Tumblr is a social media site and people online do value socialization (Which applies to fandom too, since socialization is more valued than being a fan of the thing the fandom is about).

And speaking of the definition of "social media", imageboards are about anonymity which probably means they can lost long enough becaues there's no need to make data space for profiles and whatever (Even if they still have some form of user data).

A lot of these failed Tumblr replacements were made for artists who instead moved to Twitter or Newgrounds.

There’s a lot to be said about the 4chan hack thing.

One being “this site stopped being good since 2009 or something”, another is that it was caused by the Sharty.

Basically, think of them as to 4chan what Twitter Zoomers are to Tumblr refugees.

Like little freaks “raised” by the previous generation of failed adult Millenials who passed some terrible lessons to malformed fetuses who act even more annoying than the ones before them.

I also expect the usual “I’m so glad I matured as a person” responses from people that think Twitter only became bad when Elon Musk took over.

We’re in an age where most people only use few websites and the internet is this oversocialized panopticon where people act like cops over others.

It’s more honest to say “I stopped using 4chan because I hate seeing Nikocado on the fucking catalog” than do this performative “I’m a heckin good person now” since we all know where that fake growth comes from.

One could argue that for better or worse, 4chan was still closer to the “wild west” internet compared to the “cyberpunk dystopia” nature of other websites in this day and age.

Though there’s still stories like a guy threatning someone with the “in Minecraft” meme as a way to make it safer but still got arrested.

Or the inverse where somehow, escaping soulless algorithms, there’s hundred of horrible FaceBook images that employees had to look through or a couple or bait-and-switch videos on YT with DreamyBull waiting for someone’s stream to be ruined.

I’d also make a point of how 4chan being down could lead to its annoying people invade other websites.

But I also won’t be surprised if some people will outright deny that the “Tumblr exodus” was ever a thing (Because if a subject seems absurd or silly in nature, you can always hope people forget even the basics, so the ones trying to correct you are seen as “too online, touch grass bro lol”).

Another thing to consider: Somehow, SomethingAwful outliving 4chan.

Still, I feel like saying that in a way, people were supposed to learn something from the internet but they didn’t really learn the right lessons.

We’re at a point where a generation of people don’t even think of how important anonymity is for the internet.

And not even older users make an effort to share or pass down valuable hints and tips.

Also:

• Much prefer that people going “Good fucking riddance” over 4chan are people that just “wojaks fucking suck” and not dudes going “I apologize for making Ron Paul memes”
• The fact that some even say “4chan was leftwing until 2016” only proves that deep down, people like things about 4chan even if they put it through some political filter to justify being anywhere near that idea.

This post kinda exists because of discourse around the DMC show but also a bit of a sequel to something I wrote about Orcs:

https://eyeballtank.newgrounds.com/news/post/1514841

https://eyeballtank.tumblr.com/post/770234000533061632/the-discourse-around-orcs-and-evil-races-in

https://eyeballtank.tumblr.com/post/775122372530470912/going-back-to-that-post-i-wrote-about-non-evil

I think "humanlike" demons in terms of personality/look can be justified with stuff like:

* Them being the rare exception, while other demons are either pure evil or weird looking

* Or maybe if they're "charmed" or affected by someone from the outside

* Maybe if they're half-demons

* Or were humans once or use something human like a human soul

* Or even if they're pretending to be human to misguide/trick humans

* Or you could have "royal demons" that have more complex personalities while lower demons are the beast like ones, maybe

But naturally, demons are more interesting when they look weird/surreal/strange/maybe even "symbolic", have their existence tied to a symbol or some concept or even have weird limited "personalities" like not feeling sympathy or emotions.

Because demons are technically creatures of evil in some works and stuff.

They're in some ways, different from aliens and even most fantasy creatures because a demon can be more than a creature.

Even if a demon has human features in terms of looks or character, there's still something weird about them, as if their nature defies the nature from other worlds.

Aliens and even fantasy monsters can have their own form of nature because nature just is.

Like how their biology works because nature is natural, so there's no "strings attached".

Demons however can have a whole different set of rules, if any.

And it's as if the mere rules themselves have a "mind" of their own (This is partially because of who creates them, like Satan or some other powerfull entity having something in mind with how demons work and what to do with them; Because with our world for example, some would assume that God just created the world as is and left, leaving us on our own).

And how surreal a demon can look can vary, like sometimes using concepts from our world in unusual ways, like how Bosch portrayed demons using musical instruments, even in their anatomy.

This also works as a contrast to how creatures meant to be "Eldritch" or related to Lovecraft's stories are surreal in the sense that their mere visage drives you inside: Which is something that is clearly a result from literature with almost no visual reference and often associated with the typical "multiple eyes and tentacles" things that some people get tired of.

So in that regard, a demon from Hell is easier to work with than a Lovecraftian monster because one can have created ways to use some real concepts (Like most demons having horns which is a feature real animals have but then they have weird anatomy or abilities) while the other is meant to be so out-there, that it gets really lame if their tentacles remind us too much out of octopus tentacles and so on.

If I were to use my characters as examples.

In Project Nortubel, you do have demons as weird creatures like the obvious Bosch inspired monster with the yellow key or the Baphomet-like demon with an extra mouth (Based on that one painting) and the giant stone with thunder or that female head trying to mimic HR Giger's style.

Basically, I wanted to make weird characters based off some paintings and artists.

But then there's the enemies, who are pretty much souls "demonized" and turned into weird monsters.

(I think I wrote somewhere that the lanterns that chase the Companion are souls of dead childrin mindlessly trying to find a host).

With a character I revealed a while ago: Belshazzar.

I came up with a lower class of demons that is closer to humans for a reason: They're the souls of humans that "never came to be".

Basically abortion, stillborn, dead pregnant women etc.

So when a baby dies before birth, their soul is used to create these demons who are enslaved even as babies.

They do age like humans but can be a thousand years old while their adult appearences become the default.

Belshazzar is the one of these demons that breaks free from slavery and tries to find his own purpose.

On one hand, he goes to the worlds of the living to punish sinners.

On another, he goes after "escaping souls", so his interests clash against those of the 7 undead.

I guess I could also mention how Baalphomette is an anthro goat sorceress that fused with a demoness and became a half demon or the 7 undead in general (Mainly because Maikouto is an Oni which pretty much means "Japanese demon" but she's still on the same level as the rest of her group).

Another thing about demons is when they're "creatures/beasts" because something you see in a lot of games is when they're portrayed with chitin anatomy or shell-like features in them.

There are times when a demon feels a bit too close to a hypothetical animal because of how they can be designed, as if we associate art directions with "languages".

(Part of why people compare Demon Souls' original style to the remake).

With my characters, if I were to create creatures with certain chitin features, I'd probably give them to sci-fi aliens who are expected to have some marine/bug-like features while demons must try to be weirder.

(With Otulp, I have what's essentially demonic aliens, so that should be figured out too; Like establishing "rules" with the creatures from Tfoorie's world (Tfoorie being the 2 mouth, 5 eyed alien you might've seen in Nortubel) then imagining how demons for aliens would look like).

I think a reason why some demons in stuff have the chitin thing going on is because of the idea that "alien = sci-fi and demon = fantasy" and maybe because chitin is an alternative to scales, because fantasy has dragons.

Could also be because some people assume traditional demons you see in old paintings and statues are too basic.

This probably leads to some history of art styles in games that could be better studied somewhere else.

Going back to the idea of them being creatures of evil, there are settings where that doesn't always have to be the case.

But you also get an issue similar with evil Orcs where people assume a fantasy race or species represents a real group and not a concept like a disease, natural disaster or a concept alone (Like how war corrupts man).

Even if a demon isn't 100% evil, they still need a personality that makes it clear they're not the same as a human.

Don't know what else to add because I had this post in mind but didn't really expand on it while as a draft.

Of course people are making memes out of the Minecraft movie.

“Dude, we’re doing it ironically because the movie is so bad it’s goo-” they’ll make another one because of you.

I’ve already seen a meme comparing it to the DMC show by making it seem like the better pick (As if both shouldn’t go to trash).

It’s too late, it already has an impact on people and they’ll remember it more than anything good in their lives.

Can’t wait for the Gravity Rush movie to have a fandom around it because people didn’t learn anything.

People who acknowledge this movie being a waste of space but still meme it because “it’s so bad it’s good” are probably worse than people on 4chan making a million threads about Ubisoft games they won’t ever play, to complain about how woke they are.

Specially since some of these are Millenials that "grew up from 4chan, I swear".

In an age of fandom (Doesn't mean much lol) and "support artists", you'd think people would focus more on stuff they genuinely like instead of the same shit they'd see as a side effect of "late stage Capitalism" or whatever they call it.

inb4 "we like this movie SINCERILY" as if sincerity isn't why some stuff is good and better, while this movie is a product of cynicism. (Also, what drew them to this movie was irony in the first place).

And also: Remember when people said they "whitewashed" Steve?

Even those same people are making memes about this movie.

You still fell for the marketing scheme.

(It's also a pointless topic because Steve is a weird "character" and I think even Notch said he was genderless or something but who cares: Someone I know said he should've been played by Gerald Butler and honestly, that'd be a better choice).

You can play it here.

https://www.doomworld.com/forum/topic/152389-my-map-29/

(Note: Wanted to avoid words like media and slop in the title but went with "content" because of how derogatory/soulless that word is, so it might be fitting).

Do you think that something like a recent movie or game sucks?

And you wonder why do people like it? Or if they even really like it?

And do you ever wonder if people would like something once universally despised if it came earlier?

Well, I have at least 6 potential reasons why people like/defend/promote lame movies, games, shows and so on.

Because an obvious one is "most people have shit taste" (Hence "Animation is Cinema" being more about basic 3D animated movies and boring cartoons than actual interesting examples like anything out of Ralph Bakshi or Peter Chung) but I think there's more than that.

SOCIAL MEDIA PRESENCE

Basically, when people working on something spend some time on social media and can be reached by anyone.

In some cases, an animator working on a show making a fool out of himself can sabotage a show and give it bad PR (Like the "smug latina" tweet from that DuckTales reboot guy).

But what happens more is that people humanize something because of the people behind it being easy to interact.

And something specific is people working on someone else's work.

Like a Japanese game series with a new game or something done by Westerners, like a comic.

And an American guy working on a comic based off said series is easier to reach than Japanese game devs that have been present since the start.

So the rather new/outside guy is seen as the authority and closer to the "fandom" than even the "creators".

Basically, Sonic might come to mind.

ASPIRING INDUSTRY WORK

I assume there's a case of "my friend works at the industry and someday, I will to".

This one kinda overlaps with the first but I think it can also be different.

It even occurs in indie animators and gamedevs, when in reality, they should strive to be different from the big industries.

An example that comes to mind is fans of dead franchises (Like Ape Escape) who are upset that something they like isn't getting a new game.

My theory is that deep down, they want to work at the industry in the chance they get to make the games they always wanted.

So the same people that get PTSD over not having a new Jak or Parappa are suddenly glad these games got referenced in Astro Bot.

Like the equivalent of an abusive relationship where a battered wife plans to escape from the house but then the husband offers her some beautiful flowers and she's like "well I guess my purple eye is because I slipped up and fell to his fist by accident, like he told me to tell the neighbors lol".

(Not sure where to put this part but one can also assume some writers aspire to make new things but failed, to they land jobs on adaptations of stuff people like and that explains shit like that Halo show or almost everything by Adi Shankar; Was going to mention Ring of Powers or whatever that LOTR show is called then I recall a rumor that it was originally a Dragon Age show but it's probably better you research this on your own than taking my word for it lol).

MEMES

Because what are internet memes if not a good reason to think people are "sheeple"?

Ever felt tired of seeing people talk the same way?

Or notice how your dad hates seeing the Whilhem scream in any movie?

You think it's a government psyop but no, PEOPLE are like that and the internet makes it clear.

The closest to people being "anti-meme" was probably in 2012 when everyone complained about "meme culture" (Rage comic faces and 9gag memes) before they joined the trends of Shrek jokes and MLG montage parodies.

Everyone does memes that they don't even know where they come from.

People copy terms and attitudes that don't even suit their real (If any) personality.

And only stop doing them if corporations on Twitter kill them (As if people don't kill memes on their own).

Because even if something new seems shit and everyone agrees so, there's always a case when people make memes out of stuff they hate just because "it's so bad it's good", instead of talking about stuff they think is good.

This section about memes also correlates with the part about bad/basic taste: Most people have no curiousity to look into older things.

All that matters is what's trending or shown by the algorithm.

Even if a mangaka talks about his influences like some older mangas, most people don't look into it.

Maybe you'll have Youtubers talk about an old series, even if describing it with modern meme vocabolary or getting basic shit wrong.

Even worse is when people focus so much on something they acknowledge being shit, they suddenly go "maybe it's not that bad".

When in that time, you could've watched something good instead.

Edit: Going back to irony, I can see people claim to like something shitty "sincerily" which is ironic when the thing they claim to like is as cynical and even insincere itself as it gets.

(Plus how the main draw to like shitty things is usually irony and the fact that sincerity correlates with honestly, meaning it also leads to understanding why something sucks and also leads to making actual good art)

FANDOM

It's probably not a shocker that fandom is less about "liking thing" and more about "socalization".

Lot of people only care about things for the sake of fandom than actually engaging with art as it is (Hence creating interactions based on lies).

A side effect is everyone having the same opinions and prespective, even before actually interacting with something.

Basically, if you convince someone that a shitty cartoon has "fandom", they'll join the fandom just because and conform to it.

A specific example that comes to mind is the Radar section on Tumblr, when they show fanart of shit like the Trollz movie or even Adi Shankar's Devil May Cry show.

Always shit that you don't believe actual humans are attached to.

Another thing to mention is probably game remakes, because most people refuse to touch older things unless they're modernized.

Another thing to happen is "fandom canon" like recurring opinions and how they change.

With these 2 points, think of how RE4 was seen as a game that stood the test of time and needed no remake; How many people still hold that opinion now?

This isn't even a matter of whether or not the remake is good, moreso if people treat opinions like a biblical canon then change like testing a frog in slowly heating water.

Maybe there's also something to be said about how fandom is treated like religion to young people.

Edit: Another thing about fandom is how "fandom" in itself has some Tumblr girl connotations to it.

And how fandom culture revolves around shared behaviours/beliefs/attitudes regardless of the thing it's based around.

I think this is why "male nerd" stuff like Warhammer and retro FPS games have people act like Tumblr girls.

Basically, if you're a guy who likes Doom: It's ok to say "Doomguy is a badass" and not draw him as a "malewife", trust me dude.

No Tumblr scold is forcing you to draw Duke Nukem x Postal Dude yaoi.

Sometimes that "Tumblr girl-ification" of "stuff guys would call badass" feels forced.

Like it has to come from a mindset of "subversion" and maybe weird internet politics.

"WHINY NERD" STIGMA

Let's say: Everyone likes anything for different reasons and because of that, you'll always have some parts of something you like that you don't like.

Sometimes, you complain about a new movie of a series because of how much you like that series.

But it seems nobody wants to point out any flaw or issue with something.

Mainly because they think they're being too mean or in the wrong, even if people making a product don't have a better attitude and might as well do their work out of spite.

There's also the reverse: Something most people hate but you can't shake the feeling that it's not that bad, even if you still see flaws.

And whenever it gets acknowledged in later material of a series, you don't think it's given justice because of the reputation it has.

Example of this is Doom 3 because even at the time it divided fans, but even critics learned to appreciate some parts about it.

But going back to people refusing to point out problems and being obedient customers or afraid to look like heretics:

A specific case that comes to mind is people complaining about AAA games and posting that Sonic "I WANT SHORTER GAMES WITH WORSE GRAPHICS" image, but then they stop when some guy puts a Wojak in a YT thumbnail and talks about how games used to be good in 2012 (Wrong date, btw, pick 2007 next time).

Basically, even if these people want to complain, they revert their positions like cowards because suddenly, one guy made it cringe.

And not wanting to look cringy is more important than what you actually believe in.

Could also be cases of troll's remorse and people wanting to seperate themselves from "mean 4chan people".

I feel like saying the Chris Chan Sonic blue arms thing made people afraid to be "whiny nerds" but it's ironic considering the amount/type of people that defend CWC nowadays.

You could tell yourself "I bet if 4Kidz dubs were a thing now, people would defend it" but no need to think about it: You can look up people already defending it.

I also see it as a case of irony poison and this goes back to the "so bad it's good" part.

Another related example is when they fixed the design of Sonic in the movies.

So people saw that as "THEY'RE LISTENING TO US, THE FANS" even though the other problems in the movies still remain.

CULTURE WARS

Kind of an obvious one.

Because in an age where everyone uses the interent, everyone wants to be an activist even though they don't work on actual causes.

(And combine that with a black-or-white, binary mindset where "you're either with us or against us" because nerds that feitshize the idea of "morally ambiguous characters" in fiction have it backwards with the real world).

A good example is people that supposedly hate Capitalism but then defend the mere products of Capitalism, sometimes because they think a game has genuine Socialist themes or because they're told the "haters" of the game are evil racist Nazi chuds.

This doesn't have to be a inherently leftwing thing, because I'm sure someone will point out Chinese spyware gacha games as an example (Only more reason why other games should have sexy stuff in it, so it's not exclusive to gacha) or Kingdom Come Deliverance.

Even the shit around AI art falls into this because people will support anything as long as it doesn't use AI, as if mankind hasn't product shit without AI for ages (And if anything, AI art is a side effect of manmade garbage).

Wanna save art? Get better standards.

(Also, they associate AI art with stuff they hate, so if an artist does the wrong move, they'll be accused of using AI).

My honest take on culture wars is that it all makes sense when you realize Millenials are failed/insecure/struggling adults, hence the term "adulting".

This is why "Media Literacy" is a thing: It's them justifying their unhealthy pop culture obsession by bringing up how much they care about "big boy topics" like politics.

It had to happen in the mid 2010's because no fucking way you'd find a Gundam "WOW COOL ROBOT" comic in 2007 when nerds weren't neurotics about politics.

Media Literacy nerds are from the same place as the MCU Funko Pop guys.

Honestly don't know what else to add or fix here.

Maybe someone can pick up on this and make a better, more nuanced take.

Or not.

This is something I had in mind for a while.

Let's say that on the subject of "waifus", there's 2 obvious rules:

• You get only one of them (Who follows this anymore lol).
• It has to be from something you actually experience like a series you watch/read/play etc.

I think another rule is that of a character that is genuine.

Not just a girl that looks cute in official material and not just fanart, but also if she's an actual character with a story and emotions.

It's part of why it's important that you grow up with anime/manga.

Or at least specific comics and cartoons.

Teen Titans is a good example.

Otherwise, think of these kind of characters people make porn of: The Wendy's mascot, that Samsung girl, the fucking Duolingo characters etc.

These brand mascots with no actual story arcs and some don't even have an actual idealized look.

Even FNAF is like that to me because I'm pretty sure they're machines pretending to be fictional-in-universe mascots which is not the same as Rouge the Bat or Carmelita Fox, who are actual characters in their settings.

And going back to looks, people talk about how Hex Maniac is portrayed as having bigger breasts than she has but she's still technically a cute anime girl.

Not the same as someone making very cute fanart of a character from a cartoon with a basic beanmouth art style or even an AAA game with uncanny photorealistic graphics.

Going back to "genuine characters", this probably applies to characters whose source material is also genuine.

As in, not a series trying to be "trope aware", anything subversive or ironic.

Like the difference between a girl from a genuine Japanese visual novel and one from a Western ironic VN parodying the former.

Because I'm kinda reminded of when I knew this guy in school who was really into Sonic and he even liked Sonic Boom of all things.

So it got me wondering "if you're going to have some heavy attachment to fictional characters or something, make sure it's at least with something genuine and not like a show with cynical ironic/self-aware humor or anythig like that".

Like, you want the things you (Zoomer speak alert) "hyperfixate" to have a sense of magic.

Let me share some school stories when I was like 6 or 7, I don't fucking know.

• One time, I was so bored I decided to dig sand with my hands and I even reached a pipe next to some building at the school. Then I grabbed something soft and threw it, didn't knew what it was and it turned out to be a frog. A lady janitor grabbed the frog with a napkin and threw him away.
• A kid once asked me "would you like some free water?" and I said "yes", then he grabbed by hand and spit on it. I got so annoyed, I started rubbing my hand on walls hoping the germs would go away.
• In the second day of second grade, I asked the teacher if I could play games on the computer and she said yes, so I just spent the day playing Miniclip games while the rest of the class was studying. Somehow, nobody questioned it during that time.
• For some reason during second grade, I made up lies about how this one fat kid named Silverio was bullying me and when he was confronted about it, he was sad because he didn't do anything wrong. I literally made shit up for no reason.
• I also lied about having a crush on one or another girl during my childhood because looking back: Both were gross looking.
• In the first day of second grade, when the class was almost over, I was mostly being a good kid until I decided to write the word "PUTA" on the board and then my parents came to pick me up.
• Even then, that one female teacher was very close to my family and I think my dad had something with her that took a part on my parents' divorce.
• One time, there was a party at the school and a smelly gypsy kid kept eating stuff but leaving it unfinished on the same plates where people would take food from.
• Same gypsy kid came next to me (While I was playing with dirt like a caveman) with his mom, told his mom something and then she slapped me because he told her I was the one bullying him.

Anyway, today there's gypsies who go to Lidl parking lots and act like they're helping you park your car and if you don't pay them over their "job", they scratch your car.

• There was this girl called Vera (Who I think was abused by her dad) that when she wasn't in the class room, the teacher checked her backpack and found a knife. When Vera came back to the class room, there was some yelling arguments between her and the teacher.

Most of these happened in Olhão.

Like it starts with a happy/positive sounding metal melody and Peter shouts "let's learn colors with Pete" then it's followed by a stock sound effect of kids going "yay".

Every 10 or so seconds, Peter goes "MY FAVORITE COLOR... BLUE!" and it'd be him naming different colors.

But the last one is red where he goes "MY FAVORITE COLOR..." before he says "Red" in a deep, low tone while the track cuts to an eerie horror track with screams.

I imagine that certain colors could've had low volume sounds that you almost don't notice:

• Pink could've had a woman moaning from an orgasm
• Brown could've had a sound of someone shitting
• Black could easily have a racist impression of a black dude guy "hey, fuck you mothafucka before I get you ass".
• And green could've had some sound like the band members going WOOOOOW or something since it's the main TON color.

Maybe my mind got transported to an alt timeline where Peter Steele never died (And the trade off was Howard Stern).

1st March, this is some text I originally had planned for the Nortubel completion post but instead, I figured it that a post about the game being finished shouldn't have this.

So instead, I made it seperate.

Chances are there stuff I should've clarified better or communicated better.

At some point, I thought of changing how things are around me.

One reason being because I want to “reinvent” myself even if it takes a while.

I want to justify the fact that I focus a lot of my mind on these ideas and projects.

Because besides the years I’ve been thinking about these characters and all, I’ve also been thinking about my life in general and where I could be.

A future version of myself that can only exist based on what actually happens.

There is so much I want to do with these characters and I can’t do it alone.

Meaning Project Nortubel is in a way a bit of an “intro” to a lot of stuff I want to use and expand on.

I found myself doing more gamedev at later parts of a day, mainly because it’s in other parts of the day I think I’ll have to do something important or busy, so I find myself waiting for a specific chore or activity before I do work.

I don’t have an actual gamedev schedule.

Lot of people tend to listen to music while they work, but you can’t do that if you expect to be interrupted.

I feel like the environment around me has to change.

Like part of me seeks some idea of “perfection” or else it’ll fall apart.

That feeling that there’s all kinds of rules anywhere and you know you have to follow them, but would like to at least select which ones (Some rules seem to clash).

As in “anything can be true anywhere else, therefore it’s true tomorrow so nevermind the fact I did something stupid today”.

I worry about some minor details, so others worry about other details.

I definitely want order, some form of “objective truths” because I don’t deny some of the same concepts as everyone else.

Guess I just want things to “be done the right way”.

Lots of things are results of stuff that came prior, therefore some things should’ve been thought out earlier.

There can be lots of debates about “objective truths” as it reaches pseudo intellectual nonsense.

But I like to think that, depending on what changes, I could stop some of my mistakes and bad habits.

Because sometimes, a way to fix problems is to start all over, some sort of “reboot”.

I associate some of my flaws and current self with my current situation and environment: “All the things that happened here are part of this place” therefore a new environment must be defined in a different way.

Or maybe I’m looking for excuses.

I’m lookin for a way to be in control, to “write” where the story goes and not feel like a character in someone else’s story.

If I’m missing something, just tell me and then I’ll see what I can do with it.

It almost feels like an environment where you can’t tell what happens next.

Plans change and there’s no agreement on something, so it’s like “sure I guess”.

It gets unpredictable at times, even if a plan was seemingly agreed on, so nobody’s on the same page.

To change things up, you’d obviously go “piece by piece” but because of the “overdefined” aspect, you almost feel like you want more than one thing gone at a time.

Anything can be a piece of information about you, therefore an extra chain connected to you.

The change has to be fast and severe because otherwise, doing things slowly leads to the risk of returning to bad habits.

Any object around you has context, you’re in a long bible written in a language you don’t quite get.

You get caught up in a situation that is someone else’s like getting dragged to someone else’s story.

Lots of hypocrisies, logical fallacies and cognitive dissonances.

Some have an easier time pointing out ones of others first than the others.

Sometimes, they tell you things you sort of already know like it was new.

Hammering down nails that were already put to frame.

Which one matters, the message or the messenger?

Maybe I was waiting for something this whole time, like the right moment.

Perhaps reaching a status where I got “nothing to lose”, because I can’t lose it.

Holding down on being truly honest while surrounded by dogs that know how to bark but barely do they bite.

Maybe the thing I was waiting for is something I was actually putting on delay.

Even if someone is technically right, they only know half the story.

You probably have the other half but lost it.

As time passes, a lot of things go unrecorded as if the solution was to list everything in a checklist and use that to fix everything.

But the opportunities have passed.

Start a book at page 27 because the others were missing, so might as well pick up a different book.

Changing a frame of a painting many times before considering whether or not to even keep that painting.

It’s like human brains really are like computers in that “memory space” is an actual thing and you feel like deleting files for space.

I see myself with horse blinders in how focused I am on certain things.

Maybe I’m afraid of various things, hence I spend a little too much time on virtual worlds, be it mine or someone else’s.

Part of a generation even I criticize and claim to avoid certain trends and phenomenons related to it.

Some factory built this car but forgot some parts.

Maybe my flaws come from somewhere, could be a place or a person.

Anyone’s to blame, some more than others.

Either way, things have to change if I want to keep this train coming.

I also want to make sure that, as I change, certain things about me like certain goals and interests are still kept.

Because I do fear growing out of things I still like today.

Something I get over conscious about, specially with the amount of people you see over the years and you find out an old video someone made is gone, even though there was nothing technically wrong with it.

And in an age where people seem to conform to one environment or another, adopting specific archetypes of a “personality” to coexist with others.

What plans I have, may go against someone else’s.

I feel like I’m wearing different masks but one will have to become real over the others.

Someone will say they got me into making games but it’s probably the same that says videogames are evil toys rotting people’s brains.

I have a need to cut the fat weighing me down.

When I do things I know are weird, I wonder if explaining them makes the situation worse.

Or if I see someone else do something weird and whether or not I should warn them of something, again, by telling something that makes the whole thing more awkward.

Correlates with moments I feel like I know something might be wrong and I try to brush it off.

And sometimes, still try to “fix it” in an odd way at the same time.

Human beings aren’t cartoon characters, so you know some people have one or two traits that is unlike others, but you can end up sitting in a fence for too long.

I tend to be (Or maybe pretend to) neutral over things that should be more personal/closer.

Because empathy starts from a place, but to me, that place makes things more confusing and alien.

I feel like if I don’t end up being the best of me, I could end up as the worst.

Maybe there’s also a factor of “the others know better, they could take care of this” or what’s the “means to an end”.

You view everything as “pieces”, you dehumanize others, you can’t even believe this “everything is just a piece” idea when it can go against you since everyone has a sacred cow.

An environment that controls you before you control it.

After some recent news (December 2024), my first thought was “one less chain”.

I’m not even sure if I managed to say this as I want to, because the context of a message still comes second to the delivery.

Not even sure if anyone has read this to the end or deciphered the hieroglyphs.

I know a specific group of people should get this.

I do know people that get annoyed at the misfortunes of others, because of how it could affect them personally. As if it’s also their situation.

I even feel bad when I receive gifts sometimes because it almost comes off as others “redefining” me, like someone saying “this is who you are”.

I fear I could be some weird psycho like Steve Jobs.

Fear of fighting back in case it backfires, not sure if I know myself that well.

I like when events happen in straight lines, not bumpy roads.

I hate the idea of regretting because of when something convenient happens: Do the ends justify the means?

Following a rule just means you break another: There’s no winning.

Maybe there’s a feedback loop based on this “chicken or egg” phenomenon of “I do a wrong thing because of the environment or it’s my actions that make the environment wrong”.

Something I want the most is to have my own apartment with its own furniture, schedule and “rules”.

I’d even decorate walls with white boards with important stuff written on them and maybe I’ll even have to draw texts reminding me of stuff on plain white furniture and stuff.

Something with almost no “decoration”, maybe not even family photos.

As in, trying to be “objective” so much you almost ditch personality entirely.

No furniture from family, no decoration, no photos, no pets, no plants etc.

All while adding generic IKEA objects.

But you think of stuff like objects you own, or that you supposedly own, relations, responsibilities, anything to do with you and it’s like your ecological footprint: Something that’s big and a part of you.

As if you’re carrying a huge weight that occupies space and the weight even impacts others.

Maybe I’m viewing human things in a “technical” sense and not a human one.

Like treating sympathy as a “strategy” or “transaction” like I’m buying something and giving money to the store clerk.

You know that clip from Malcolm In The Middle where Hal tries to replace a light bulb but instead, he gets wrapped in different chores as if they’re all connected?

Life can be like that but with OCD, it involves very specific things nobody should care about.

Honestly, I think not even my own family knows exactly what happens in the house or how the house works.

Think of the things YOU don’t know about, in your own home.

You were never in control.

Maybe people are busy with lots of things, there’s stuff they don’t care about.

So one ends up caring about that stuff instead.

Perhaps the concept of "personality" is why humans will never be truly "objective".

Because in theory, you could declare so many things "useless" and limit humans to one or two interests.

Basically, something like whatever Pol Pot tried to put on people but different; Maybe you'd still call yourself "I" instead of "We".

There could be some theories that humans evolved to not stick with family for very long.

Like how in those nature documentaries, you have cases of hippopotamuses eating their young.

Honestly, I can see why some people hate the idea of life experiences even if unknowingly.

Because life technically defines who you are.

People "develop" and that includes going through stuff.

So some people have this backwards view where life is this entity that dictates who you should be, while the internet offers opportunities.

Which is ironic because most people online borrow less legit personalities and even think "you can either be one thing or another", which is relevant in the current sociopolitical context.

And even in real life, some people can surpass the impact of a real event; Whereas online, people do a terrible job at overcoming a "phase".

See: Troll's Remorse.

Guess some of the stuff I wrote about certain people comes from a place of "that could've been me" sometimes.

Sometimes I wonder who I'd be without my projects.

(Even worse: What if what prevents you from doing something stupid is not empathy but rather a personal sacred cow?)

I feel like I've seen/heard a lot of moments where someone was supposed to reach a breaking point but nothing actually happens.

Often even think "just do it" like an audience in some sport more excited for whenever there's an accident.

The legacy of most of these deceased relatives tends to be all of the furniture and stuff we kept from them: So if you get annoyed at the amount of furniture or think of any of these inconveniences, it's like you're upset at people that aren't with you anymore.

In your head, you start cursing their names as if they're attacking you personally, accusing someone of actions they didn't commit.

Family heritage feels less like a privilege and more like a recurring curse at times.

Maybe I also barely talked about my annoyances and issues because of the fact that other people have it worse, sometimes much worse.

Sometimes, I try to avoid regret as a concept.

Because I already see thing as "the way they are because everything is connected" and maybe think of how there's always a chance for something good to happen or the right time for me to do something (Bad for a procrastinator)

Because when I do think of regrets, it's less of a "I wish I knew then what I know now" and more of a "I already knew, I just didn't think things were right enough for me to do stuff that way".

Like I was waiting for stars to align or something.

Maybe the way I view family as a concept is how some people view marriage.

So in a way, living away from family is equivalent to a divorce.

Even if you complain about something or take notice, someone would still complain in a "oh, so NOW you notice it" way, so you can't really please anyone.

If you go with a "don't talk about stuff you don't really know about", that could include stuff meant to be close like your family.

I’ve definitely had some awful ideas about what I could do to leave a permanent impact.

And it’s a bad thing to do.

Because I’ve also been thinking: The death of a family is a tragic thing.

Like those news about entire families dying in fires or car accidents and you wonder “who will mourn for them?”.

Friends are a thing, but there’s something about not having anyone else with ties left being there to carry your memories.

Even if it depends on the family but still.

Sometimes, people have programs that I don’t end up joining because of specific reasons, even when I don’t really have much to lose, or because I didn’t prepare for the situation.

Despite this, I don’t think I’ve ever been suicidal. Maybe because I always thought I had something to lose.

At least recently because of my creative projects, that’s probably why I wanna keep going, because I wanna keep making stuff.

But I know people that thought about suicide.

The kind of people that thought of death as their only solution.

This is something you should take more seriously because it’s not enough to say “you have so much to live for”.

You have to understand exactly why they feel this way, you must find the source of the problem.

Even if you end up making discoveries you didn’t want to make.

Going back to how the environment can shape a person, I do get picky over stuff like smells and especially when there’s construction places and houses close to roads.

A lot of stuff can sound too close to conspiracy theory material but there are moments where I think “of course I’m dumb, look at the stuff that’s literally in the air”.

It’s not even “the government”, just people doing things according to a sequence of events and it turns out it has massive downsides, bad enough to lower the IQ population.

If I don't respond to someone during some debate, it's not because they're right: It's moreso because I just can't find the right time or words for the occasion.

So many things I could've said but were never said.

Fun fact about Portuguese: Let's say we have different versions of "you".

“Tú”, “você” and “vocês”.

At least 2 apply to a single person and the third one to multiple.

Have you ever had a situation where someone says you in a plural sense and you know they should say it in a singular one?

Especially if you feel like you’re being dragged to something you have nothing to do with.

Sometimes it's like: If the truth matters so much, it matters even when not said.

Because we humans aren't above all and are just some advanced animal compared to other animals.

But if we value truth by how much we know about it, then suddenly we are special and very significant.

The concept of personal point of view and life experiences can't really be that important if you still believe that humans are just some accident caused by evolution.

Everything is just math.

Odd number + odd number = even number.

Even number + even number = even number.

But even number + odd number = odd number.

I do want to say: If I ever do something genuinely stupid, I want it to be the only time ever.

The things that not even autism and OCD can justify.

I also realize at times that I have to grow, even if I want to make sure it only applies to some parts of me as a person.

I don’t want to reach a point where I can realize some projects I want to make for so long only to think “wait a minute, I don’t like this anymore”.

Because with my ideas, I set up a concept of a large project revolving around variety and different things.

I feel like I’ve seen so many people get Troll’s Remorse or become washed out, I want to make sure I keep some parts of myself.

I either care about things too much or don’t at all.

And I supposedly only care for them because of the situation I’m in.

Someone else carries about this, so it’s their business.

I don't know everything but sometimes, the "harsh truths" I keep hearing about tends to be stuff I already know or thought of.

Maybe that's why I don't really think George Carlin was that special.

Tell me something new already.

Sometimes, I do think there should be a notion of "let's agree to disagree".

Just to make both parties happy.

Don't know what else do add.

Other than I hope things get better because I don't want to quit the stuff I like.

I do like to think I can learn things and improve myself.

Not like I ever thought of realistically being a Portuguese Chris Chan but still.

People should get that CWC might as well be notorious because most autists aren't like that.

By the end of 2025, Hirdrih Technologic could at least be half of a game.

Maybe take 2 years like Nortubel did.

Edit 1: Had a rather "meh" birthday.

Probably because I wanted something to happen but the plans were foiled.

What can I add that I didn't add here? Maybe the fact that I don't mind having a "boring" life if it's at least a simple, functional one?

Like, I don't mind "nothing happening" if that includes annoying shit.

One thing is being interesting enough to create interesting stuff.

But I don't want to "be a character" if you get what I'm saying.

(At least not know, I want shit figured out before I can evolve my character):

Maybe it's because I live in a place with neighbors and old people gossiping all time.

(What's that saying? Shit attracts flies?).

Edit 3?:

Did I already said something in the vain of “I don’t deny the same concepts as everyone else, I just need a good enough order of events and settings” yet?

Like basically: ANYTHING is a “concept”:

A piece of furniture, an opinion, a thought, a moment etc.

I accept some of those concepts like everyone else, just want the right order of events.

Let me write the story.

And as someone with OCD, let me clarify 2 things:

There’s intrusive thoughts and then there’s corrective thoughts.

Intrusives thoughts are those you know are bad but keep coming up.

Sometimes out of habit, other times because of “associations”.

Associations like “I just saw a poster for something in a wall and am suddenly reminded of an awkward moment I wanted to memory hole”.

Even when 2 things seem unrelated, like a complete segway.

Sometimes, bad thoughts show up as if you were doing the equivalent to repeatedly putting your hands on a hot stove, just to remind yourself it’s hot and it hurts.

Corrective thoughts are used to fight these intrusive thoughts.

If you have a bad thought, you correct your mind by using corrective thoughts.

Sometimes, certain specific thoughts are used, depending on the situation like using different shaped keys for different keyholes.

And my mind is already like a TV that can’t be turned off, you can only switch the channel (And sometimes, the channels switch on their own).

Maybe I did thought of really bad things but let's be real: Even you reading this had the same.

Nobody is Mister Rogers, everyone thought of doing bad things even if they never did in their lifetime.

In a way, that’s why art is used to explore bad things.

Lots of good art comes from weird people, like it’s a mandatory feature.

But it’s also because mental illness isn’t some college aged Tumblr girl talking about headmates, it’s never “cutesy” or TedTalk appropriate.

And after making this post, I bet some people expect me to kill someone or do the Euro equivalent to a Randy Stair ro Elliot Rogers (Because we got no guns here).

If anything, losing your mind is what the enemy wants.

Everyone loves the "local lolcow/incel/autist etc goes apeshit, what was it? Videogames? Sex? The evil hacker knows as 4chan?" articles.

But I'm surprised Tom Fulp (AKA the creator of this website) even responded to this at all.

Edit 4:

Still haven't shown this to my family.

Maybe I don't trust anyone to know how I feel because they might do something in return.

As if I'm about to take down a card house.

To me it's less of a coward thing and more of a "I don't trust you to take me seriously" thing.

Then again, someone else in the family says very harsh things but nothing much happens.

Is it what I said about "talk the talk, walk the walk" where only one half happens?

EDIT 5:

A way I thought of ruining my family was to think of horrible things to say.

And even if I haven't sait it yet, I think admitting thinking about it seems very close.

Because even if words aren't the same as actual action, they are a way of delivering ideas, regardless of how you say things.

You can't really say "I was going to call you an X but I didn't" because that is close enough to actually caliing someone the word you thought.

I honestly think if there is a genuine toxic environment, everyone is to blame in some way or another.

EDIT 6:

I feel like I'm surrounded by people that want to point out the elephant in the room, "everyone, we have to talk" but the elephant still remains.

I'm probably the one that criticizes others the least, barely insults anyone.

And why would I?

The fact that things are still the way they are makes it seem like nobody wants to get rid of the elephant in the room to begin with.

Am I a coward or am I just the least hypocritical?

When everyone wants to be "the voice of reason", nobody is.

It's like a humiliation ritual.

Or maybe I'm secretly taking advantage of this.

"As long as nobody changes the status quo and things remain the same, maybe I don't have to put much effort either".

Everyone contributed to this blackhole of nothingness, I just "pointed it out" less than others because why talk if you won't walk?

Why mock others when they're mocking themselves?

Remember: Offensive is TAKEN, not GIVEN.

And here's a story with 3 characters: Let's call them Moe, Larry and Curly.

Moe and Larry are talking about Curly.

Moe says to Larry "I'm going to tell Curly that he loved that horrible thing that happened to him and that's why he likes to suffer".

Larry says "I don't believe it happened, though".

And it got me thinking: Even if the horrible thing never happened to Curly, isn't it still horrible for Moe to use the supposed horrible thing against Curly?

Like rubbing salt on an exposed wound?

"It never happened" is not even the point, the mere idea of the statement is like a mean gesture.

It already says something about Moe's character that even Moe should feel bad for.

Even going as far as "I bet dad is the one that did it".

Yes, those names are from the 3 Stooges but I'm using them as replacement for other people.

Try to guess who they actually are and the actual topic in question.