I have this weird pain that feels like it's behind my nose or throat, like a wound or stabbing and it hurts (Specially when eating) but shows up at random times.

Nose still gets clogged i have to breathe through the mouth with clenched teeth.

I feel bad for all the water and paper and other things i wasted and consumed, i feel like i need to do something to make up for it.

At least i recieved some money from an irl job i did for someone.

Took random naps and in my country, the hour schedule was changed because of winter hours.

Because i feel cold, i try to warm myself with some exercise (Hot showers depends because of obvious economical/resource related shit).

Last winter, my hands were so fragile they had easy cuts in them and i had to wear 4 layers of clothing to handle the winter.

Wearing too many clothes is bad for a lot of reasons but i also don't have many clothes plus there's time and resources wasted when washing clothes anyway.

It's like i have to sacrifice certain customs to survive, since my room was originally a kitchen (Might be a case of "sunk cost fallacy" but so much weird shit is setup in this house, it's hard to imagine how i'd change rooms).

An habit i could abandon is how i shower before getting to bed (Though i'll still brush my teeth and wash my hands and face, specially because of my ear plugs).

I also fear how some of this stuff affects my brain.

Getting sick sucks when you're autistic and have weird habits like how your "force" yourself to burp because you "feel bubbles" in your throat and how that affects even drinking water.

Why am i still alive?

I guess God or some other deity looked at my shit and thought "autism be damned this dweeb has potential, he just needs to work a little bit more and i'll delay the end of the world".

"Well if he keeps drawing characters in shitty symmetrical poses one more time, i'll make him choke on his sleep" - Buddha probably.

Or maybe it's to see if i get old enough to look like a bootleg copy of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.